Today

[whitewriter]

In one I was trespassing in a block of land (that doesn't exist in real life but in my dream it was about 500m up the road) and I was looking for a toilet. I found a communal area kitchen thing. Then I bumped into a group of about 7-8 actual residents - and they asked me if I was homeless and before i could pipe up one of them was like, no she lives just up the road. They started commenting about how hard it is to live around here and how being a land owner is near impossible. I wanted to say, well yeah but it is possible because I did it, but I held my tongue because I felt bad pointing that out. Because why am I trespassing on someone else's land?

and then I woke up...

Feeling guilty that I sorta broke up with S not too long ago and I want to say sorry for being such a bitch of a friend and keeping that stuff in for so long -- because if I had let it out earlier, we'd probably still be friends today.

I've been meaning to make a dress for her daughter.

In the morning I felt off about it (and this feels like it was so long ago) with Christmas coming up and the thought of catching up with mates and making gifts for people makes me feel nostalgic perhaps.

So I remembered the weekend I felt so shitty because I thought she was really rubbing it in my face about the whole childless thing and it strengthened my resolve that I did the right thing, for me, at the time that I did it. -- once everything gets more settled with my work life -- and I get out of the whole "who ever knew the world of midwifery was such a shit and terrible world that is so not enjoyable to work in" bubble that I'm half in (and half getting used to: I don't know if that's a good thing or not) -- and maybe then we'll see where we're at.


But good times come a rolling because:

I successfully sited my very first intravenous cannula today in 8 years!!!!!

I shook so hard doing it.

Ah ICU I love you so much (you know I do) but honestly you do de-skill us to an extent (especially in communicating with well women, in community engagement, and in non-machine troubleshooting). That's why I need to hang on to working in birth unit. It's painful but I do feel my clinical skills growing. That's one positive.

I happy danced in the hallway afterwards. I hope my woman didn't hear my squeals of delight.



G2P0
33 yr old
1st baby: 1.3 L pph and vacuum delivery (which I almost didn't realise because I didn't pursue the notes hard enough).
Nil epidural first time round, just gas.
Indian descent.

She coped so well with the pain I really was confused if she was actually in established labour
(as opposed to early labor). So they said on admission -- but she looked just too damn good. Her husband said the first baby was much harder, 24 hour pains and etc. but no epidural then - so I figured hum. First VE was done to ARM and "possibly bring on the labour" more so - she was 7cm said AM senior (and she's not a generous-VE-scorer-person) so I was pretty impressed.

Maybe she doesn't really feel it (lucky her) and then I read the vacuum, and then I thought, that's odd.

Maybe she's a "crap pusher". I tried to push (yeah) that thought out of my head.

11:00 she was asking for an epidural.

I felt maybe she was fully. But she looked too good for fully.

She asks about other options.

I suggest morphine subcut.

But I'm like for that we really really need to VE you first.

She sits on that for a bit, the last VE (by the AM senior, to ARM was a bit rough - and she didn't use the gas since she just vomited so ...

Finally I convince her to a VE.

VE: Anterior lip at 12:00

It's rechecked by the senior as correct.

We tell her she shouldn't get an epidural or morphine because it just won't help. (Too late, essentially). She's accepting of this (but if she wasn't we'd get her one). Man her husband is a trooper what a nice guy. He seemed to have forgotten everything that happened with the first baby - (I'm like, you don't remember last time? -- based on his questions and he's like I forgot, so I'm like no worries).

AM senior gets the shits with me hanging out in the hallway because I'm trying to hide from my lady to avoid doing another VE/push -- I hate telling people to push. She had no feeling about it either (no urge).

We technically started pushing at 12:20 and that's when I realised I had a crap pusher on my hands. Raspberries and what not being blown up and nil evidence of effort down below.


Then it hit about 13:50 and the PM staff came on.
I handed over. I went for lunch.

Someone had the brains to call the paeds for the delivery (something I forgot about) because 2.5 hours later (I kid you not, that's a super long time for a p2 - and the baby's heart rate was doing some funky things on the CTG, not super funky, but like, a bit funky).

It ended up being another vacuum (but she really really tried. She just wasn't very good at it. Sorta like, being crap at weights. And even though you go to the gym and lift, you just can't seem to lift heavier...).

All was well. She was a lovely lady and husband so I wish them all the best, I really do.

It really isn't her fault she's a crap pusher. There's just somethings in life that one can't improve and you just can't be good at everything.