Anger

Mar. 31st, 2025 08:08 pm
whitewriter: lun (Default)
3 year olds can be real shits.

I got these temu earings (lolz cause i didn't wanna pay $20 at the mall for something they are flogging for $2 on temu. $2 gamble when im already buying a bunch of other stuff, some of which i legit can't find here - like a good ear spoon. Do you know those are hard to find? I had 2 I liked, a bamboo and a metal one, and the metal one somehow is lost ... and the bamboo one started to break) and then I found ones at daiso but their design is very flawed. lost too much money on there on those cause you can't return ear spoons. No wonder they had so many at daiso and nil elsewhere. I think everyone who used them probably looked at the spoon and went "that's a shit design".

The temu one is great, FYI. Very happy. My ears were so itchy and I removed so much wax. Ah the perils of having soft wax. I think May2 inherited my soft wax but I'm not sure about Wendy.

I lost my shit today cause I was playing with the earings and taking the "leaf" off them because it was too heavy and Wendy picks up the tiny leaf thing and runs into her bedroom with them and "hides" it somewhere. It's small. May2 can totally swallow it. Wendy forgets where she hides it cause she has a 3 year old memory. So I end up counting to 6 and timeing her out in the other room while i search for it/ cause her searching is unhelpful. She just makes more mess. She's crying in the other room and then she yells I need to pee I can feel it coming out (was only a few drops) but I immediately let her out - she goes to pee - I'm trying to tidy up so I can see the forrest for the trees. and eventually she comes back and finds the leaf thing.

Even May2 stopped and looked at me a little scared when the saga of the leaf thing happened.

Wendy really wants earings. I don't need another thing to look after. It is going to hurt a fair bit and then I'm going to have another thing on my plate besides nursing, midwifery, all the cooking, the swimming lessons... the house... like.

How does anyone even live with a mortgage on top of the cost of living crisis, I honestly have no idea.

Like. If I'm under stress and I'm actually having an extreemly privledged life - we own the house. We have decent savings, I've cut back my work hours considerably, I have a very understanding casual boss for the 2nd job so I can maintain my accreditation as a midwife and I have a very understanding ICU boss because she also has a 2nd job in another hospital and knows that it's no big deal having 2- so I'm in a fortunate spot in a sense. I even have a cleaner that comes every 2nd week - (whose hard work is like undone in literally 5 mins but like I keep telling myself if you don't even try due to that reason : then you might as well lay down and die).

So if I had to like go work full time on top of that. You can forget it.

So due to my privelege i've been buying decorations for May2's birthday cake from temu land. Not sure if I'll use it. I should have gotten a personalised name thing for it so I can reuse it for every other birthday cake for the rest of the time that I'm making birthday cakes for her. or I can start that next year. It's too late now. I look at them online and they don't seem inspiring for me so maybe I just shouldn't get it. If I don't like it, then I don't like it.

3

Mar. 5th, 2025 06:59 am
whitewriter: lun (Default)
Wendy actually looks for approval now. It's subtle and it took me a while to see.

I think the first time I realised was when she was eating a peach and I asked her if Daddy gave it to her and Pete piped up and said no she took it out of the fruit bowl on her own. And I said "oh without asking?" and her face scrunched up and looked a bit worried.

And I said oh thats okay. Were you hungry? Daddy didn't feed you? Daddy didn't do his job? lolz.

As long as she doesn't do that in a store (I'm pretty sure she wouldn't) then we're all good. My mum would never pre wash fruit as it came home until your about to eat it and I remember i used to hate eating something that was wet. Then I got older (like 8) and realised you could dry it.

Now I just wash everything and dry it before storing it ... ya know. Cause i actually don't think my 3 year old is going to do it. But maybe I should start getting her to do that ... help my wooden floors are going to get wet... maybe she can wash it in the bathroom..
whitewriter: lun (Default)
After week one of being dumb faced as I left. But returning to a teary baby the moment she sees my face (after not realising I wasn't there all day).

Day 3:
was tears on seeing me leave: we were early and there were only a few kids there.
Apparently she got better when the rest started to arrive (yes her big sis was there the whole time)

Day 4: I took them in late because we were waiting at home for a supermarket delivery.
Weather has been wild lately and honestly, I can't be fucked. Like seriously, it's so much hasstle to drive to the supermarket, get into the shop, find all the shit I want to get. Then scan all the shit. Then cart it out to the car and then load it up. Then drive home. And then unload it, and then put it away.

Like... if a grocery shop is likely to be over $250, I can get ALLLL that work for free.

The only negative is if I make a mistake, I need to go to the store to return the problem item. And yes, I made one mistake. So that's annoying. I was also worried I would get products that were going out of date soon. Or like, fruits that were bruised. But honestly. I'm just so glad someone was going to do this work for me I was willing to ride some crappyness.

Anyways. but the downside was I wasn't sure when it was arriving so I chose to feed the girls at home, and wait for the delivery and leave right after it came.

(Just putting the cold things away).

Anyhow so we got there, once again like leading May2 to the slaughter because she doesn't know where we are going - and the moment I stepped in and handed her to a worker, she started crying. When she saw me leave and etc.

She was okay during the day but then in the afternoon, as I had brought them in early I decided to go pick them up late, and when she saw the other mum's arriving and they weren't me, she would start to cry with each one.

So when I arrived I came to a very clingy teary baby again. But she was alright. 'Cause it was late and the weather has been super bad (crazy winds, trees down, public transport strikes effecting into the mix. rainy etc) and it was getting late, so I didn't feed her before we left, and out we went. I figured we'd be home in 20 mins and I could feed her then. Halfway home she was head butting my chest the poor thing- who only had a few sips of her bottle all day.


So she's figured out how this childcare thing works. You get abandoned by your mother with carers and other children and new toys to distract you. And eventually, you don't know when, your mummy will come back and get you.

I can see the non appeal of putting an under 3 in childcare. Even Wendy doesn't really know when she will get picked up. It's loosely about the same time so when I get there she's never hanging around the door looking for me. But she still doesn't get time.

Her idea of time is "yesterday" (which means, before today. Because everything is yesterday in her mind even if it was a month ago) or today. I'm not even sure if she has a concept of "tomorrow", except that she constantly says "Mummy when I grow up can I (work, have a phone, and todays one --- drive a car and you can sit in the boot Mummy! (lol) I said how disrespectful are you to put me in the boot, that's where the groceries and the pram goes, not your Mummy. Then she thinks and says "you can sit next to me, and Daddy and May may can sit in the backseat and I can play frozen in the car."

lol oh Wendy. So I guess that's her concept of "tomorrow".

The only good thing about the wind is that it's been nice and cool. I actually can't wait to go snuggle in my bed but here i am, giving that up for even more alone time with my computer.

Todaye.

Jan. 13th, 2025 07:13 pm
whitewriter: lun (Default)
Wendy said:
"I don't want to be 2. I want to be 3!"
and i tried to press her on why.

I also explained that when she's 3, that I'd have higher expectations of her, like I'd expect her to put on her own clothes and set up her bath, etc.

She looked excited and took her clothes off for tonight's bath with less fuss than usual.

Then before bed she was playing with my old harmonica I've let her have, and then when she was bored of it she threw it into the fireplace.

Then her father and I were meanies and said that she couldn't turn 3 if she did naughty things like that, she'd have to stay 2 forever.

She began to cry a little.

Poor thing. They feel things so strongly at this age. No sense of sharing or the value of items still. I suppose this just comes as time goes, and she experiences how we treat things of value.

Elizabeth

Has been walking around using the bee like a champ.

She hasn't taken a step as good as Wendy's first step, but my mum and Pete have both proclaimed that they have seen her take steps without holding onto things.

Well until I see it myself with my own eyes, she still can't walk yet.

Maybe she will walk at daycare later this week.

I found a bottle she likes to drink from, so I'll be preparing some formula/EBM and whatever for them to use with her in it.

Today she seemed to get really hot in the afternoon so I gave her some cows milk (the reccomendation is for cows milk after 12 not before 1) from the fridge to drink and she drank it so quick.

I just felt sorry for her and she looked thirsty. I do think she struggles to get enough from me during the day when she is distracted with playing and Wendy and all sorts. But at night she is happy to sit and suckle. I don't want to starve her only to have her drink more at night.

She's been more or less exclusively breastfed (without bottles or even a dummy, although I have tried) until 6 months and even with my mum, she barely took more than 80mls not from the breast once a week, 3x a month, until 11 months. Come on. She's ready to fly the coop, we can't be boobs forever.

My mum chastised me for not offering the breast first before giving the bottle but only an hour ago I had offered and she wasn't keen. If she's thirsty....

It's been so hot too. I'll ask the carers to make her bottle cold because that's how she's been having it, actually.

The kitchen

I've finally gotten around to making some stock. But ideally the fridge needs to be clearer and the freezer needs space - you know- so the stock has somewhere to go.

They sell those ready packs of stock at the supermarket for far too high a price of convenience and I doubt there's much in those packs beyond water... and... whatever they decide to make the flavour from. So if I don't have any home made stock I just suffer.

May2 ate some congee so well last week made with some random fast stock I made, so I need to make some real congee for this week.

It's a labour of love. Plus I just can't bear to buy the store stuff.

Stories

Jan. 10th, 2025 12:34 pm
whitewriter: lun (Default)
1st day at childcare today for May may.

Before we even got there, the day was already insane.

6AM wake up from Wendy "Mummy I'm wet" Somehow, the night nappy just couldn't hold what it was supposed to hold. The night before, I was gung ho and decided to try adding an extra chore to my life by night training wendy : which meant, get up in the middle of the night and sit her on a potty next to the bed, and then put her back to sleep.

The first. night, I think she'd spent most of the day with my mum and, my mum isn't good at keeping kids hydrated so I think she was dehydrated so we got good success. She did one pee in the middle of the night and the nappy seemed dry in the AM. so I was a tight ass and thought oh. Can reuse then, perhaps. lolz.

Then the second night (which was this night)-- it clearly did not work and perhaps that so called dry nappy .... had 1 pee in it from the previous night... but also when I tried to put her on the pot at 1am she said "no mummy dont need to go" and i felt her butt and the nappy seemed like there was a wee in there so I thought oh. Maybe she just peed. Too bad, and I let it go.

6am feels really early when someone (Elizabeth)decided to wake you up every 1.5 hours for a boob cuddle. So I was super tired. I got them up. Changed the bed. Bag was already packed for school but i didn't want to feed them breakfast because I wanted them to eat at school.

It was raining pretty much.

somehow it took forever, despite starting at 6am and having already packed a bag and May2 already dressed in clothing I had deemed suitable for childcare the night before -- She pooped in her nappy.

Oh wait you know what the hold up was, so I had the kids bag sorted (clothing all labeled, may mays bottles all labeled, the formula saschets all ready to go, etc in a tidy packet but I hadn't sorted out MY OWN BAG for my own childfree morning. So I spent ages dicking around with my own bag.

Note to self. Now I need to pack Wendys. Elizbeths. and Mine.

The bag I tried at first, was too skinny to fit all the stuff in it although it was huge. So I had to find a big fat bag, which I promptly did and then fill it. I wanted stuff to go to the gym, as well as an umbrella cause its been raining etc. So by the time I got that sorted, and we were leaving the house it was 7:50 and of course the long bus thats closer to the house was coming in 8 min which for me, is sufficient time to choose it over the short bus thats further away from the house.

We got to childcare at 8:10 rather than the 7:45 I was hoping for.

So Wendy got breakfast at least but May may didn't have time. I mentioned it to the educator. She's lovely but she's swapped rooms from Wendys older kids to the babies, so she's still learning the ropes. She had trouble opening their milk cupboard to show me where to put the formula.

I didn't have expressed milk because its day one : I don't save extra and anyways, from the past I've learnt she doesn't like frozen defrosted milk anyway. So its like, whats the point of that effort if she's not going to drink it. But today as we were separated i pumped milk to maintain supply and scalded it hoping that would break those enzymes they say make the milk not taste that good - and put it in the fridge to take to school tomorrow. Hopefully they will remember to use it for her. Also hopefully I remember to transport it in because that would be another step for my already overloaded brain. Maybe I should write that down.

I left her playing with some toys. I kissed her good bye, waved, etc. I swear she saw me walking out the door.

Apparently no tears, got a phone call update from the educator saying all was well (I initially was like oh shit, do I need to go back to the childcare?? why are they calling?) but no it was just fine so I didn't.

I did get the tears and "SO GLAD TO SEE YOU OMG WHERE DID YOU GO" face when I came to pick her up around 3:30 pm.

she didn't have a second nap and was so close to falling asleep in the car on the way home but the 2 min drive wasn't long enough. So it was in the cot for the terrible time of 4-5 pm which is too late and impacts bedtime.

I think for the future I need to write, 930am nap 1 and likely 2pm for nap 2 because otherwise 7pm bedtime is hard to achieve.

Things to note. Apparently she's not an easy read baby, the educators just said she was so happy all the time and just smiled and ate so much food, they couldn't tell she was tired. Lolz. And since I walked in the door at 330pm, they were about to put her to sleep but since I was there then there was no point of that.

See how tomorrow goes.

Today was so haphazard, it felt like I was scrambling to stuff as much as I could into the day that I didn't really get anything good done. Which isn't true, I did. But the house still needs so much work, like the freezer is full of stuff. The fridge needs a rejig.
whitewriter: lun (Default)
Wendy
This week at 2 yrs and 9 mo started saying:
"when I grow up..."
lately it's been

when i grow up can I cook dinner?
... clean the house?
do the laundry
lolz

The first cake I ever baked

I remember my mother was never really keen for me to be doing anything in the kitchen with regards to food preparation.

I was an easy eater. You put it in front of me and I'll tell you its great.

Even if you screwed it up somehow. I'll eat anything.

I had my dislikes (steak) but just that could be gotten around with some sort of sauce.

Anyhow, somehow I got hold of a womans weekly kids cookbook and decided to make something from it. I was probably 8. I remember when I was looking at recipies I was choosing something that we already had all the ingredients to so I wouldn't have to ask my parents to buy something special.

I didn't ask for help for knowing the comments I'd get (things like "what for you make that?" "wasting your time!" etc.) so I picked a butter cake. And made it. And it turned out nice enough in my opinion.

Another time I made apple muffins. I cut up the apple like it said and everything. The only thing is it turned out like little mountains with a high peak. Back then I wasn't sure why but as time went I learned it was likely due to overheating the oven.

I do have trouble getting Wendy to listen to what I say but when she comes up with some idea to bake something or make something I'm looking to support that. we don't have the barriers my parents face
- inability to keep countertops clear (this is an ongoing battle. How hard is it? It's not. It's cultural or like, personality. dude its a counter, put it in the cupboard take it out, use it and put it back -- in the cupboard. Thats what a cupboard is for: storage. A counter top is for using...)
- monetary : not seeing the value of exploration and being focused on potential disasters being a financial negative (rather than a learning experience).
- ceramic sink making clean ups high risk for breakages


Anyways. Such as it was.
whitewriter: lun (Default)
Today at dinner, there was a cute moment begween kid 1 and 2. Elizabeth stuck.her finher finger in Wendy's mouth and Wendy pretended to eat them.

Elizabeth chuckled.

And wendy said "may mays laughing!!!" In delight.


Sure beats all the time Elizabeth toiched wendys shoulder, leg or hair and wendy would start crying because she didnt like it
whitewriter: lun (Default)
May2
kid 2 has been sick sick.

I think she was well for all of 3 days and then returned the productive cough with +++ nasal secretions.

On Wed night, the MIL came to stay over and Pete slept in the same room as myself and May 2 and I swear she woke up 8x instead of the usual 4, each time sounding like she was drowning in a pile of snots and secetions.

On Thursday, the day after the 8x wake up I had been planning to take her on a costal walk but she would need to go via carrier and she doesn't sleep well in that thing. So I opted out and spent a day with a sleepy baby in a pram.

It turned out to be a good decision all around because I would have been too late to pickup Wenderpoop from the childcare.


The second night, each wake up I dosed her up with saline spray so I think we had a total of 3x wake up with hacking cough and whatever snots.

Poor thing.

2nd day was a planning disaster also. Somehow after leaving home at 2pm to see Scultures by the sea, I arrived at the wrong beach. Instead of getting back in the car and driving further down the coast to the correct beach, we walked. Which would have been nice had we commenced said walk at 9am.

At 5pm we were furiously googling local busses to find a faster way back to the car to drve back to pick up Wenderpoo on time. 10 mins to spare she was the 2nd last kid to get picked up. The other seemed older. Pooper (Wendy) seemed fine.

MIL reckons May2's first word is Yes. She reckons she said another word but couldn't remember what it was.

I thought she was hearing things but today I swear she said "yes" when i asked a quesion about I can't remember what.

Maybe it is her first word.

I can't remember Wendys. She seemed silent until she exploded into a wordfilled toddler. I'd have to go back and review old videos.

Sept 2

Sep. 3rd, 2024 03:18 pm
whitewriter: lun (Default)
The first time at the park someone said "watch out for the baby" (to their own kid) - the baby being Wendy.

And Wendy says: "I'm not a baby!"
whitewriter: lun (Default)
It seems so much has happened since my last post I can only but leave it into the ether (like much of my 20s) and move on with describing what happened today.

I'll do it person by person.

But in essence, I took the 2 kids to the park using the local bus with a pram and a kiddie seat attachment for the 2 year old. The park is about 2 or 3 suburbs away. So it's just me and the 2 of them.

It's almost a badge of honour to be able to do something like that.

Help is nice, but Independence can feel liberating.

I chose a park that I'd heard great things about - its fully fenced in so if your 2 year old goes running around there's less of a chance she will end up near the main road.

that was the main draw card.
when I got there I saw it had a toilet and fairly shaded areas-- it was a hot day but very overcast and its technically Winter so the UV was lowish.

I had packed a picnic, a rug - but forgotten the damn carrier so I had to hand carry May2 around the park.

It was super busy but all the other parents seemed really reasonable, nice and helpful.

Wendy's great moment of the day
We got home and I was happy I'd remembered to sort out dinner before we left (tip no. 2 always think ahead) I had predefrosted some bolognaise. We have a tonne of rice from the other day in the fridge so I made a little bowl of what I called "Indonesian Spaghetti" and called it as such to Wendy. It was rice mixed with the sauce and some cheese.

It was a type of joke my father would have made for sure.

She ate it up, then asked for water. she had her water then started to play with it, pouring it into the mostly empty bowl.
Anyways, after a bit of that (which I almost didn't notice for feeding May2 her bolognaise mixed with cooked apple smushed)- Wendy wanted more. From the pot over there. It took ages to figure out she wanted what was in the pot.

Pete thought she wanted one of May2's potato cakes(which he called Maymays buiscuts) but I'd already given one to wendy and she'd already thrown it on the floor in rejection.

when we finally figured out it was what was in the pot, pete put some of the "Indonesian spaghetti" into her bowl - which was literally, just plain rice, Wendy saw it and started crying.

She wanted more pasta.

But I said, I hadn't cooked any pasta, we were having rice tonight.

Then Wendy cried harder. She really wanted the pasta. The Spaghetti she thought we were having.
The Indonesian one (lol aka. the rice).

Pete felt sorry for her and started going through the fridge to offer her more food.

There was some of last week's cooked pasta that Wendy rejected twice, and he offered her that also. Wendy cried harder.

At one point Pete was about to go cook some pasta and I said no- we aren't having pasta. We are having what we're having and there's nothing wrong with it. She ate a whole bowl already.

Eventually she accepted left over fruit salad from lunch.

I was laughing so hard at "Indonesian Spaghetti" however.

So good.

May2
my little sleeper now is some retarded 6month old baby who only does 2x 30-50 min naps in the middle of the day.

That's not normal. In my opinion anyway. I think she wakes up mid cycles and either sees I'm not there or... something and doesn't link up to another. Textbooks like to say naps will consolidate now, but I can tell you this kid was born consolidated into 3-4 hour blocks from birth.

Wendy doesn't get a 2pm nap cause shes nuts, her lunch is a little abysmal so by 4pm she's starving, So we end up with dinner at 430pm. Bath at like, 515pm, and bedtime around 6pm.

May2 then doesn't get a 3rd nap and instead - goes straight to bed around 5pm yesterday, approx 530 pm tonight.

I have to remember to wake her up in the middle of the night for a nappy change cause that's just too early.

Now that she's started on actually having about 2 meals a day the little thing has been pooping heaps. Heaps. Heaps.

3am there was a poop. 6am. poop. then during dinner, actually during dinner at some point she shat herself. lol. After about 2 months of 1-2 x a day pooping.

Pete

This is how weekends go:
1 day of the weekend (sat or sunday) Pete has energy for a family thing,

The second day of the weekend, he doesn't.

Same thing every weekened.

Yesterday we rode the Metro to Tallawang. lol. Somehow that only cost us $5.62 return.
Sorta like going to middle of nowhere.

We hung around Tallawang for like, 20 mins using the facilities at the local mall - toilet and a little couch outside the fruit and veg shop, then rode it back home.

Wendy got hungry, I offered her the packed lunch we had. I'm really over buying outside food. It's never good and if there's no reason to get it (aka.my friend isn't around and wants to eat out) then lets have our packed lunch from home. She's a kid lets exploit this power for as long as possible. I don't want her getting used to eating Maccas all the time when we're outside.

2 year olds are also not like adults. We can skip lunch, a 2 year old sorta can't.


At least now we can say we went to Tallawang.


Most people reply that statement with "so where is Tallawang?" (next to Rouse Hill, is the answer).

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whitewriter: lun (Default)
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