1. Family hierarchy and cultural norms are revealed There are generally 4 types of chair in the birth room. Who sits on which chair denotes hierarchy/status and role for the day.
Type 1: A big high backed chair which is typically for the woman.
Type 2: Waiting room style chairs that look finished in carpet and are generally unpleasant to sit on for more than an hour (and birth generally takes much longer).
Type 3: Plush leather look recliners that have a foot rest, lean back into almost a bed with large soft arms.
Type 4: the stool (sometimes a saddle stool) the midwife or HCP sits on, which sometimes looks like this:
Women (pre-covid) usually had two persons accompany them (sometimes three). The dad, the mother in law or their mother - and perhaps a sister for a time - who then usually leaves when it gets late.
Leaving the Dad and mother in law or mother to sort out the seating arrangement.
From what I have observed:
In lebanese families, it's the Dad who sits on the comfy recliner, and the mother or mother in law who is in the waiting room chair.
In Indian families, it's the opposite: grandma sits prime on the comfy recliner and the dad is in the waiting room chair.
In other cultures it really just depends. Sometimes they take turns.
If the dad is super dooper keen on being right there, he sits on the saddle stool like he owns it and he's going to be the midwife today!
2. Midwives wishing the baby a Happy Birthday! I found this really cute when I first started and it hadn't even crossed my mind until the first time I heard them say it myself as a student midwife and I realised yeah! yeah baby. Today is your first birthday!
3. Women and their families expect the epidural to work every time and mean zero pain.As one anesthetist puts it: 80% of them work and 20% of epidurals give trouble. They have 2 choices when it doesn't work:
fiddle with it; perhaps resite it - or accept that it doesn't work and your in that unlucky 20%
Furthermore, today's epidurals are supposed to allow you to feel when to push. This means some amount of pain, especially down where the head is coming out. It's much better for the woman, and for the midwife too - if they don't have to guess when it's the "right time" to push by feeling your abdomen.
4. Consultants act weird and the women seem to love it. Some private doctors do surprising things. One of them likes to make the baby "shake hands" with Dad and generally waves the baby about a little after it comes out and all is well.
It reminds me of Michael Jackson and the balcony or Steve Irwin and the crocodile. Put. The Baby. Down. Fellas, it's not a toy.
5. Dad thinks he can deliver the baby.I hear this all the time. I've yet to see it happen. I have worked with dad's whose heads were basically right beside mine the whole time, watching everything. Similarly I've had others who stayed well back in the corner and left as soon as the child was out. The mother cited he can't deal with blood and cut her own cord. You go girl!
6. Men watching their partners go through the experience and saying that if men were pregnant they'd do the whole process better. Seriously. Just, get out. You clearly can't see how unsupportive and douche-like you sound when you say that.
7. Women are surprised that their waters breaking feel like their peeing themselves and are shocked at how much liquid comes out. Studies say that in a normal pregnancy about 700mls of amniotic fluid surround the baby.
The water can either leak out slowly or in a spurt - it comes it fits and starts often.
It probably feels worse because they're often sitting in bed when this happens- and no one likes to pee themselves and feel out of control, feel wet constantly- and have someone change the pads underneath them all the time.
Even women who have had multiple babies seem surprised and seek reassurance about this.
8. Women (and their partners) beg the midwife for the epidural I can't speak for other midwives, but when you've asked me - and I've said I've called them, there's a reason why I don't tell you exactly what time the anaesthetist is going to arrive. If they're in the middle of a procedure with another woman: they could take anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes sorting out a previous woman. There could have been complications during their epidural, may need to attend to other emergencies in the hospital - these factors are things I cannot control. Therefore, if i said they're coming in 10 mins and their more like 1 hour, you're going to call me a liar and I'm going to feel bad.
If you want that epidural immediately, perhaps you should investigate with the hospital your intending to give birth at: how many anesthetics they have available on the day; and if they are exclusively only to service the birth unit or if they have to also service the emergency department or emergency theaters and the like.
But somehow; this is not something people investigate pre- pregnancy or pre booking in.
The anesthetist can be 5 mins, or they could be 2 hours. I can't control the universe. I have been known to stalk the room where the anesthetist is known to be in; doing the previous woman- because it's hell/worst part of the shift - being in a room with a woman who is begging you for the epidural; and knowing there's literally nothing I can do to speed things up.
9. Someone always asks the midwife what time the baby is coming out.Honey, if we knew, we'd tell you and this would make both our lives much easier.
I feel like you know that we don't know - but you ask us anyway. If I had a dollar for every time I got asked this I wouldn't have a mortgage.
10. Ordering Mc Donalds. The second thing women (and their partners) do after they ask us how long until this process is over - is order a burger from Mc Donalds. Once they have adequate pain relief, they realise they're super hungry and it's a special day. No one is interested in the snacks they've packed into the hospital bag so Uber eats for a maccas order it is.
Especially if it's 2am.
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