The Set-up
Mar. 24th, 2022 11:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whitewriter perhaps it could have been smoother if I didn't have baby brain (but who doesn't?)
Most of my advice is tailored towards breastfeeding because that’s what I primarily was involved with since Feb 9.
1. Identify how you will feed the baby: breast, mixed or formula only.
Arm yourself with knowledge about each of the options and decide what is your preferred choice, and then identify backup options and know how to use the back up (like for example, you intend to breastfeed - but not sure how it will go, learn about formula and how to make it up. Know how to wean the baby off formula and back onto the breast should that be your intended first choice. Know what sources of information you can turn to for reliable information should you need to swap intended choices).
Know the pros and cons of all the feeding options.
Know the principles behind all the options- that means, what are the principles you will need to follow in order to achieve success for whichever method you choose. For example with formula, you want to ensure you feed your baby adequately, avoid food poisoning.
Notes on the crazy baby
It's important to know the principals of milk production (milk that is sucked out will be replaced by more milk) and to know if a baby is having enough (enough heavy wet diapers and good weight gain - look at your baby, they look chubby and like they're growing, then they probably are - and then there will be the weigh ins with child and family nurses).
No one really has baby scales to measure the 30g or so they gain per day, so you'll have to be patient with this one.
Other than that, you'll just need to stand your ground. We are the adults and in control (hard when your tired though). Babies are babies, and they cry and they whinge for all sorts of reasons. If you've worked through the problem, and they've "just had a feed" (nappy is dry, clothes are not wet with spit up, are they over tired and haven't managed to sleep for quite a while now?) - you can try offering the breasts again - or work on your soothing methods- often you'll find the breastfeed causes her to sleep (every baby is different as to what they like. Gwendolyn likes being butt tapped a lot. Quite aggressively butt tapping whilst swing and just watch her eyes roll back into her head into sleepyland lol). Brahms lullaby is also another hit. --
If they suck, they suck. If they cry at your breast, swap sides.
They may cling, and cry and suck, and cry and not suck and cry more --
If the principals with regards to wet nappies/weight gain are being held, then you basically just need to bear this time.
Formula will not fix it - it will only serve to reduce your supply.
If you do have concerns about your sanity - then that is a legitimate reason to give formula. If you want to exclusively breastfeed and you can bear it, then that's your personal choice if you want to persist or not.
36% of women in Australia exclusively breastfeed until 6 months.
The reasons for the 64% who quit..(or mix feed) I'm unsure. Low supply is frequently quoted as a reason. I wonder how women get this information re: their supply. You will never know your supply (other than constant stream of wet nappies)- you can't see what your baby is drinking. Behaviour is not always an indicator of supply.
Your breasts may feel really empty at times, or very full at other times - that's normal and they take 6 weeks + to regulate (and then may feel empty a lot of the time, but they aren't). You will always have milk in there for her to suck, she just may have to suck harder to get hindmilk but too bad. That's her job. A baby will take on average 67% of the available milk at the breast. They don't stop feeding because there's "none left" but rather they are full (or perhaps another reason? Sometimes Gwendolyn will stop sucking, I'll take her off and she will do a massive cry (unknown reason why) - I just pop her onto the other one and she keeps going).
I find 'outsiders' (aka. not the woman in this case you - or I) have a lot of comments. Fathers worried the baby isn't being fed enough. Grandmothers thinking formula is required because the baby is crying.
A woman will always have enough milk for their child (unless the baby is jaundiced and dehydrated, or clearly losing weight beyond the standard post birth weight loss or the mother is unwell).
Every woman's milk is A+ and "good enough" for their baby. There is no such thing as "poor quality breastmilk". The body will regulate (sacrifice) itself to create the milk. If other people tell you otherwise, you need to ask them why they think your milk isn't good enough.
My mother never breastfed me, and would make comments to Gwendolyn when she cried "Oh the milk isn't good enough aye?" and yes I took offence at such comments. She also mentioned to Peter that I should be using formula. I had to spend a fair enough time going through:
1. SIDs is reduced with breastfeeding
2. A baby cries because it's a baby! They're learning to communicate. It's hard work.
I was really much too tired to go beyond these principals.
You may need to stand your ground at times quite strongly. The nappies are wet and heavy. The weight gain is good. There's no reason for formula. Then know the reasons why your bothering with this troublesome task of exclusive breastfeeding and continue.
Although if you hit roadblocks (say, sore nipples or jaundice or poor weight) - expressed milk and formula may be needed for a little while to heal - and then you keep going. Wean back the formula/expressed milk if you wish ... or not ...
Learn to hand express -- it may give you confidence in your supply if you can always squeeze out milk: then it's just somebody's job to suck it out then hey, it's not that there's none there.
At the end of the day, it's your baby. So you do what you think is best for your situation and needs. And whatever way you choose, will be the right way.
2. Identify who will do what chores in the household.
And how you can best support each other during this time in which a large change in family dynamics will occur.
For example:
The woman who is breastfeeding should be principally involved with breastfeeding- and so should have all other chores minimised.
So other household members should be tasked with cleaning the house or doing the laundry or dishes and doing groceries (if possible) this should be completed for her by other family members. If this is not possible, think about ways to make life easier (pre cook meals, engage with grocery delivery services, pre-buy necessities in bulk like baby wipes and nappies and other things that don’t go rancid).
Support persons should take shifts (if there’s more than 1) to support the breastfeeding mother. So someone can take the morning shift and another can take the afternoon or night shift. This way there’s someone to help the breastfeeding woman access food and drinks during the night. Help change nappies and clean poop. Deal with baby vomit. Give moral support and company, massage their tired shoulders etc.
If you're planning to formula feed, ensure everyone involved knows the processes required, and set up cleaning stations for the bottles and sterilizer (or a large pot for boiling if that’s your intention) and space in your fridge to store the sterile equipment. Set up jugs to store boiled water, and areas to cool them, and delegate who is incharge of refreshing them daily. Have everything labeled and marked so there's no confusion if multiple people are involved.
3. Set up your chair (to feed the baby)
-Breastfeeding takes time to attend to properly. During this time you will work on your latch. Work on feeling how your baby is feeding (strong suck or just a comfort suck), work on understanding your breasts. Lumps? Soft? Engorged? Work on understanding your baby’s feeding cues.
I recommend a computer chair with wheels that turns around, so that if your left hand is busy: you can turn the chair so your right hand can access an item on your table and vice versa.
The chair should have a table on either side.
The table should have snacks, water, nipple cream, spitty rags, phone charger station and other items (for me: notebook and pen) all in easy reach. So if you find yourself alone breastfeeding the baby your relatively set up.
There should be pillows on the chair for your bum, your back and to support the baby and your arm as needed.
I also found it handy to have water bottles in random places over the house to encourage me to drink. I had water bottles on the couch. Water bottles in the bedroom etc. Easy access to water so that you don’t have to trek to the kitchen to get a drink.
4. Prepare ear plugs and or eye masks for day sleep for any support persons as needed.
Everyone in the household deserves decent rest. This may be hard to achieve with a crying baby. If you can set aside a space for people to rest away from the baby drama- that is a nice thing to have.
5. Have a stocked pantry and first aid kit. Paracetamol and ibuprofen in-date for anyone in the house. When you need something at 3am it’s so lovely when you find it! Things I needed included safety pins, rubbing alcohol, epsoms salts (although regular salt probably would have sufficed should I not had epsom salts).
Things I learnt about sleep I didn't know until I had my own:
> Babies are bloody light sleepers
> Babies cry out in their sleep and are generally super noisy! Often she will cry and fuss and then resettle in-between cycles.
> Cycle is approx 30-40 mins so it can be really difficult to sleep next to a thing that cries out (really loudly) every 40 mins lol.
- So actually. especially at night, you don't need to rush over to them if they sound whiny - wait until it's a real "I'm awake!" cry. You may accidentally wake them up if you rush over, then it's your job to make them sleep again.
> Gwendolyn would wake up if she vomited or posited on herself - but with those nappy inserts under her head, it's so absorptive, she sleeps right through. That was my biggest win. I got the idea from working in special care nursery as we'd put little towels under the babies heads so we wouldn't have to change the sheets so often.
Most of my advice is tailored towards breastfeeding because that’s what I primarily was involved with since Feb 9.
1. Identify how you will feed the baby: breast, mixed or formula only.
Arm yourself with knowledge about each of the options and decide what is your preferred choice, and then identify backup options and know how to use the back up (like for example, you intend to breastfeed - but not sure how it will go, learn about formula and how to make it up. Know how to wean the baby off formula and back onto the breast should that be your intended first choice. Know what sources of information you can turn to for reliable information should you need to swap intended choices).
Know the pros and cons of all the feeding options.
Know the principles behind all the options- that means, what are the principles you will need to follow in order to achieve success for whichever method you choose. For example with formula, you want to ensure you feed your baby adequately, avoid food poisoning.
Notes on the crazy baby
It's important to know the principals of milk production (milk that is sucked out will be replaced by more milk) and to know if a baby is having enough (enough heavy wet diapers and good weight gain - look at your baby, they look chubby and like they're growing, then they probably are - and then there will be the weigh ins with child and family nurses).
No one really has baby scales to measure the 30g or so they gain per day, so you'll have to be patient with this one.
Other than that, you'll just need to stand your ground. We are the adults and in control (hard when your tired though). Babies are babies, and they cry and they whinge for all sorts of reasons. If you've worked through the problem, and they've "just had a feed" (nappy is dry, clothes are not wet with spit up, are they over tired and haven't managed to sleep for quite a while now?) - you can try offering the breasts again - or work on your soothing methods- often you'll find the breastfeed causes her to sleep (every baby is different as to what they like. Gwendolyn likes being butt tapped a lot. Quite aggressively butt tapping whilst swing and just watch her eyes roll back into her head into sleepyland lol). Brahms lullaby is also another hit. --
If they suck, they suck. If they cry at your breast, swap sides.
They may cling, and cry and suck, and cry and not suck and cry more --
If the principals with regards to wet nappies/weight gain are being held, then you basically just need to bear this time.
Formula will not fix it - it will only serve to reduce your supply.
If you do have concerns about your sanity - then that is a legitimate reason to give formula. If you want to exclusively breastfeed and you can bear it, then that's your personal choice if you want to persist or not.
36% of women in Australia exclusively breastfeed until 6 months.
The reasons for the 64% who quit..(or mix feed) I'm unsure. Low supply is frequently quoted as a reason. I wonder how women get this information re: their supply. You will never know your supply (other than constant stream of wet nappies)- you can't see what your baby is drinking. Behaviour is not always an indicator of supply.
Your breasts may feel really empty at times, or very full at other times - that's normal and they take 6 weeks + to regulate (and then may feel empty a lot of the time, but they aren't). You will always have milk in there for her to suck, she just may have to suck harder to get hindmilk but too bad. That's her job. A baby will take on average 67% of the available milk at the breast. They don't stop feeding because there's "none left" but rather they are full (or perhaps another reason? Sometimes Gwendolyn will stop sucking, I'll take her off and she will do a massive cry (unknown reason why) - I just pop her onto the other one and she keeps going).
I find 'outsiders' (aka. not the woman in this case you - or I) have a lot of comments. Fathers worried the baby isn't being fed enough. Grandmothers thinking formula is required because the baby is crying.
A woman will always have enough milk for their child (unless the baby is jaundiced and dehydrated, or clearly losing weight beyond the standard post birth weight loss or the mother is unwell).
Every woman's milk is A+ and "good enough" for their baby. There is no such thing as "poor quality breastmilk". The body will regulate (sacrifice) itself to create the milk. If other people tell you otherwise, you need to ask them why they think your milk isn't good enough.
My mother never breastfed me, and would make comments to Gwendolyn when she cried "Oh the milk isn't good enough aye?" and yes I took offence at such comments. She also mentioned to Peter that I should be using formula. I had to spend a fair enough time going through:
1. SIDs is reduced with breastfeeding
2. A baby cries because it's a baby! They're learning to communicate. It's hard work.
I was really much too tired to go beyond these principals.
You may need to stand your ground at times quite strongly. The nappies are wet and heavy. The weight gain is good. There's no reason for formula. Then know the reasons why your bothering with this troublesome task of exclusive breastfeeding and continue.
Although if you hit roadblocks (say, sore nipples or jaundice or poor weight) - expressed milk and formula may be needed for a little while to heal - and then you keep going. Wean back the formula/expressed milk if you wish ... or not ...
Learn to hand express -- it may give you confidence in your supply if you can always squeeze out milk: then it's just somebody's job to suck it out then hey, it's not that there's none there.
At the end of the day, it's your baby. So you do what you think is best for your situation and needs. And whatever way you choose, will be the right way.
2. Identify who will do what chores in the household.
And how you can best support each other during this time in which a large change in family dynamics will occur.
For example:
The woman who is breastfeeding should be principally involved with breastfeeding- and so should have all other chores minimised.
So other household members should be tasked with cleaning the house or doing the laundry or dishes and doing groceries (if possible) this should be completed for her by other family members. If this is not possible, think about ways to make life easier (pre cook meals, engage with grocery delivery services, pre-buy necessities in bulk like baby wipes and nappies and other things that don’t go rancid).
Support persons should take shifts (if there’s more than 1) to support the breastfeeding mother. So someone can take the morning shift and another can take the afternoon or night shift. This way there’s someone to help the breastfeeding woman access food and drinks during the night. Help change nappies and clean poop. Deal with baby vomit. Give moral support and company, massage their tired shoulders etc.
If you're planning to formula feed, ensure everyone involved knows the processes required, and set up cleaning stations for the bottles and sterilizer (or a large pot for boiling if that’s your intention) and space in your fridge to store the sterile equipment. Set up jugs to store boiled water, and areas to cool them, and delegate who is incharge of refreshing them daily. Have everything labeled and marked so there's no confusion if multiple people are involved.
3. Set up your chair (to feed the baby)
-Breastfeeding takes time to attend to properly. During this time you will work on your latch. Work on feeling how your baby is feeding (strong suck or just a comfort suck), work on understanding your breasts. Lumps? Soft? Engorged? Work on understanding your baby’s feeding cues.
I recommend a computer chair with wheels that turns around, so that if your left hand is busy: you can turn the chair so your right hand can access an item on your table and vice versa.
The chair should have a table on either side.
The table should have snacks, water, nipple cream, spitty rags, phone charger station and other items (for me: notebook and pen) all in easy reach. So if you find yourself alone breastfeeding the baby your relatively set up.
There should be pillows on the chair for your bum, your back and to support the baby and your arm as needed.
I also found it handy to have water bottles in random places over the house to encourage me to drink. I had water bottles on the couch. Water bottles in the bedroom etc. Easy access to water so that you don’t have to trek to the kitchen to get a drink.
4. Prepare ear plugs and or eye masks for day sleep for any support persons as needed.
Everyone in the household deserves decent rest. This may be hard to achieve with a crying baby. If you can set aside a space for people to rest away from the baby drama- that is a nice thing to have.
5. Have a stocked pantry and first aid kit. Paracetamol and ibuprofen in-date for anyone in the house. When you need something at 3am it’s so lovely when you find it! Things I needed included safety pins, rubbing alcohol, epsoms salts (although regular salt probably would have sufficed should I not had epsom salts).
Things I learnt about sleep I didn't know until I had my own:
> Babies are bloody light sleepers
> Babies cry out in their sleep and are generally super noisy! Often she will cry and fuss and then resettle in-between cycles.
> Cycle is approx 30-40 mins so it can be really difficult to sleep next to a thing that cries out (really loudly) every 40 mins lol.
- So actually. especially at night, you don't need to rush over to them if they sound whiny - wait until it's a real "I'm awake!" cry. You may accidentally wake them up if you rush over, then it's your job to make them sleep again.
> Gwendolyn would wake up if she vomited or posited on herself - but with those nappy inserts under her head, it's so absorptive, she sleeps right through. That was my biggest win. I got the idea from working in special care nursery as we'd put little towels under the babies heads so we wouldn't have to change the sheets so often.
