Events of today
Dec. 30th, 2020 01:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whitewriterAnd it's only 13:00
Increasingly the more time I was away from the old life, the few times I did return only aggravated the homesickness I felt for my old life.
The reduced loneliness of working in an open plan ward.
Not having to have at least three difficult conversations before lunch with a woman I've never met until that day.
No invasive exams where I'm questioning the reason behind why it's being done.
Feeling ever so much as not the best advocate for my woman and feeling very unsure as to how to improve that when I think 50% of the problem is literally that I only just met her, that day.
I lamented to an old xf mate that in midwifery, 50% of our work is literally throwing best practice standards out the window in favour of honoring the clock or the shift patterns.
You want you woman to be breastfeeding as soon as possible; so that you can move onto the shower/feeding the woman/discharge to the ward - and also if its a GDM baby you wanna know you did the best for the BGL to be good.
You want to prioritise those hepatitis B and konakion jabs as soon as possible so that you can tick that off the to do list (even if its mid first feed which i always feels interrupts the bonding: the baby is all comfy, and you run at it with some needles and then its in tears... ).
You wanna hurry a woman to achieve that latch!--
I get hurried by the damn family "stop just standing there and watching - do something!"
and I feel harassed and embarrassed that I'm so inexperienced. When I was trained to be as hands off as possible; to let the woman and the baby to bond and find their own way first with some vocal encouragement and suggestion. And here I am with the system and the clock and the family rushing me along - and in those moments I just give up in my inadequacy to have a voice.
Give them time I want to say.
Life is not about the clock!
Meanwhile in ICU life is all about the clock.
Hourly observations
Hourly urine measures
Hourly GCS.
4/24 turns
2/24 mouth care and airway toileting (yes that's the technical term if you'd believe it).
1/24 CRRT obs
1/24 to 4/24 BGLs to titrate an insulin infusion
10:00 changes for TPN
16:00 warfarin charting
02:00 bloods and subsequent electrolyte replacement
I love it. We live and breathe the clock in ICU and it's a vital way to function so that at the end of the shift you feel satisfied and you go home.
PLUS.
I can sleep in, meander 2 km down the road; bump into old mates walking to work and have a cute chat. Get to the front of the hospital and it's like airport security with a line to get in (not a feature of SSH I must admit ... ) I had to give up my phone number and details to then be given a mask (SSH lazily without checking, doles out rations. I like the MSH way better-- less prone to stealing) and a sticker to denote my temperature as per the flashy temperature sensing camera (rather than those questionable hand held skin thermometers) denotes me as "afebrile" and in I swept into the tea room
where everyone sat on their phone. I interrupted the quiet - and start chatting to another old mate (I am... too noisy). -- and inside I go joking that maybe I'll get some supernumerary
(ha. like nursing is that generous... plus I'm an oldie there oh the stress of being experienced)
To find...
my. name....
is not
allocated!
Did I read my email wrong!?
I ask the incharge: no I'm not on the day sheet
!!!??
I check the email . Honestly I am the first person in the world to misread an email
It says the 30th.
I call the AHNUM and it's the big manager instead.
My new boss has informed me of the wrong date!
I sat in the tea room and patiently waited to see if anyone called in sick.
Their overstaffed today actually (figures).
And now this means that she had me rostered for the 31st and 1st (so I don't get new years day off like I had originally thought) rather than 30th and 31st.
Figures.
Looks like I get to re-experience the high of "first day back" all over again tomorrow!
The manager had a few minutes to inquire as to how midwifery was going. I lamented the struggles of being a newbie despite having experience. She thanked me for being so patient and flexible.
I'm so desperate to return its not a problem (also not like I have kids or a life these days).
Maybe I'll be eating my words tomorrow...
Since I clearly wasn't needed at work -
I quickly made a phone call and got an optometrist appointment so as not waste the day away... Apparently I don't need as strong a pair of glasses if its for reading - i'm down 0.75 a step -- compared to looking far away so I'm planning to get a pair of reading glasses (rather than multifocals). Apparently, wearing glasses that strong (for far away vision) increases eye strain if your reading at a short distance (like fanfiction on your mobile phone) - and here I was with eye pain - thinking it was due to very sudden increase in fanfic reading after 9 odd years.
We'll see when I get the new pair in. I'm half thinking this fanfic phase may (dare I say) actually end soon (surely I'd be almost finished reading the classics...) I'm up to Reach [Amazing first time scene without NC17] and Sokol by Khyber.
Increasingly the more time I was away from the old life, the few times I did return only aggravated the homesickness I felt for my old life.
The reduced loneliness of working in an open plan ward.
Not having to have at least three difficult conversations before lunch with a woman I've never met until that day.
No invasive exams where I'm questioning the reason behind why it's being done.
Feeling ever so much as not the best advocate for my woman and feeling very unsure as to how to improve that when I think 50% of the problem is literally that I only just met her, that day.
I lamented to an old xf mate that in midwifery, 50% of our work is literally throwing best practice standards out the window in favour of honoring the clock or the shift patterns.
You want you woman to be breastfeeding as soon as possible; so that you can move onto the shower/feeding the woman/discharge to the ward - and also if its a GDM baby you wanna know you did the best for the BGL to be good.
You want to prioritise those hepatitis B and konakion jabs as soon as possible so that you can tick that off the to do list (even if its mid first feed which i always feels interrupts the bonding: the baby is all comfy, and you run at it with some needles and then its in tears... ).
You wanna hurry a woman to achieve that latch!--
I get hurried by the damn family "stop just standing there and watching - do something!"
and I feel harassed and embarrassed that I'm so inexperienced. When I was trained to be as hands off as possible; to let the woman and the baby to bond and find their own way first with some vocal encouragement and suggestion. And here I am with the system and the clock and the family rushing me along - and in those moments I just give up in my inadequacy to have a voice.
Give them time I want to say.
Life is not about the clock!
Meanwhile in ICU life is all about the clock.
Hourly observations
Hourly urine measures
Hourly GCS.
4/24 turns
2/24 mouth care and airway toileting (yes that's the technical term if you'd believe it).
1/24 CRRT obs
1/24 to 4/24 BGLs to titrate an insulin infusion
10:00 changes for TPN
16:00 warfarin charting
02:00 bloods and subsequent electrolyte replacement
I love it. We live and breathe the clock in ICU and it's a vital way to function so that at the end of the shift you feel satisfied and you go home.
PLUS.
I can sleep in, meander 2 km down the road; bump into old mates walking to work and have a cute chat. Get to the front of the hospital and it's like airport security with a line to get in (not a feature of SSH I must admit ... ) I had to give up my phone number and details to then be given a mask (SSH lazily without checking, doles out rations. I like the MSH way better-- less prone to stealing) and a sticker to denote my temperature as per the flashy temperature sensing camera (rather than those questionable hand held skin thermometers) denotes me as "afebrile" and in I swept into the tea room
where everyone sat on their phone. I interrupted the quiet - and start chatting to another old mate (I am... too noisy). -- and inside I go joking that maybe I'll get some supernumerary
(ha. like nursing is that generous... plus I'm an oldie there oh the stress of being experienced)
To find...
my. name....
is not
allocated!
Did I read my email wrong!?
I ask the incharge: no I'm not on the day sheet
!!!??
I check the email . Honestly I am the first person in the world to misread an email
It says the 30th.
I call the AHNUM and it's the big manager instead.
My new boss has informed me of the wrong date!
I sat in the tea room and patiently waited to see if anyone called in sick.
Their overstaffed today actually (figures).
And now this means that she had me rostered for the 31st and 1st (so I don't get new years day off like I had originally thought) rather than 30th and 31st.
Figures.
Looks like I get to re-experience the high of "first day back" all over again tomorrow!
The manager had a few minutes to inquire as to how midwifery was going. I lamented the struggles of being a newbie despite having experience. She thanked me for being so patient and flexible.
I'm so desperate to return its not a problem (also not like I have kids or a life these days).
Maybe I'll be eating my words tomorrow...
Since I clearly wasn't needed at work -
I quickly made a phone call and got an optometrist appointment so as not waste the day away... Apparently I don't need as strong a pair of glasses if its for reading - i'm down 0.75 a step -- compared to looking far away so I'm planning to get a pair of reading glasses (rather than multifocals). Apparently, wearing glasses that strong (for far away vision) increases eye strain if your reading at a short distance (like fanfiction on your mobile phone) - and here I was with eye pain - thinking it was due to very sudden increase in fanfic reading after 9 odd years.
We'll see when I get the new pair in. I'm half thinking this fanfic phase may (dare I say) actually end soon (surely I'd be almost finished reading the classics...) I'm up to Reach [Amazing first time scene without NC17] and Sokol by Khyber.
