Reminiscing as I read "This is going to Hurt"

I remember the day I closed the door on becoming a research scientist (at that very moment in life, in any case).

( I looked around the room at the laboratory where I was doing honours for the year. )

Today I was reading Syntax6 and then realised that my library books (which are horrendously overdue) --
have multiple people waiting to read them (I'm a bad person) but there was one particular book I've been meaning to read since Denise kept going on about it at DB training when she'd sit next to me. She'd say: Oh i meant to bring you that book but I'd just lent it out --- you need to read it.

or so and so still hasn't returned it! you need to read it!

most weeks she'd mention it.

So I borrowed it:

This is going to hurt by Adam Kay.

It's so realistic it's so good. Highly recommend.

( Best bits so far: )

Adam Kay's experience compared to my own

( Extracts and commentary )

The last thing in the book is an open letter to the Secretary of state for Health (UK) Adam says how doctors from the UK run to Australia because our system is fairer on the staff than over there. He says how politicians and managers need to come and work in the hospital and see what actually goes on in there if they're to say things like "we're all in it for the money". Shockingly true. Don't get me started on the "birth rate plus" program management has us filling in forms for at SSH it really makes my blood boil (but quietly, as I still sit and fill in another damned form... along with all the other damned forms we need to fill out ...)

The Ministry of Health (Australian govt.) need to come and work a shift with us at SSH and just see for themselves. Rather than making us fill out endless forms - only to then tell us we're fudging the numbers for more funding.

Can't wait to return the book for the next person to read.

Change (In the house of flies) by Deftones

I'm really loving the White pony album of Deftones (1995)

Especially the song "Change".

I find the lyrics reflect what we do at work in the midwifery unit (kid you not).

It's like I'm the midwife there -- and i'm running the IOL -- and who presses the button every 30 mins (as per protocol) because I've judged their contractions "aren't good enough" or aren't "strong enough" to cause changes in the cervix-- you get talking to the woman at the start of the process and she's a fully normal person -- and by the end of your shift you've turned her into a shriveling, tired and pained mess - begging for an epidural - for anything really - turned into someone whom she probably never expected she would turn into - (like in the song, a fly) and sometimes the midwives roll their eyes and laugh at their carrying on (which it may not be, or could be - hard to say since we can't feel what they feel) - but imagine someone who was a sadist, running an IOL. I could see how they enjoy it (I on the other hand, feel so absolutely horrible doing the procedure, I now float into the sea of paperwork as a relief - as much as I bitch about it-). Like we are pulling off their wings: and then it's hard for us to remember what it's like at the start of the process (until it's all over really).

I'm sure this is not what Chino intended the song to reflect ... but it's what I think about it when I play it over and over again because it has such a beautifully chilling sound...

I love nu metal more than all other metal genre's.

( lyrics behind the cut )

Passenger by Deftones

They say childbirth is all about the 6 p's

passage, passenger, power, position, psyche, physical response, parity

- The pelvis shape
- The kid's size/it's own position in relation to the pelvis, it's reserves and ability to respond to the stress of labour/type of labour.
- How strong the contractions are
- the position of the baby in relation to the pelvis (some are much better than others, eg. LOA or LOL v. OP)
- The mother's own fears (psyche) maternal fear and tension causing norepinephrine may stimulate both the alpha and beta receptors of the myometrium, and interfere with the rhythmic nature of labour
- Physical response of the mother during labour and delivery (to the stress on the body)
- parity : how many times has she done this before (more = easier, supposedly).

The song Passenger by deftones can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. It was written with the lead of Tool- and he sings on the album also. It was a collaboration, and pretty successful if you ask me. Some people seem to think its a song about sex in cars. But Chino states that it's about being a passenger in a car, and loosing control, and enjoying that loss of control - as a passenger.

It makes me think of the baby as a passenger. Powerless, yet powerful in its ability influence it's own journey; and what can we do as midwives to influence the passenger (fluids, positioning of the mother etc.).