3 year olds can be real shits.

I got these temu earings (lolz cause i didn't wanna pay $20 at the mall for something they are flogging for $2 on temu. $2 gamble when im already buying a bunch of other stuff, some of which i legit can't find here - like a good ear spoon. Do you know those are hard to find? I had 2 I liked, a bamboo and a metal one, and the metal one somehow is lost ... and the bamboo one started to break) and then I found ones at daiso but their design is very flawed. lost too much money on there on those cause you can't return ear spoons. No wonder they had so many at daiso and nil elsewhere. I think everyone who used them probably looked at the spoon and went "that's a shit design".

The temu one is great, FYI. Very happy. My ears were so itchy and I removed so much wax. Ah the perils of having soft wax. I think May2 inherited my soft wax but I'm not sure about Wendy.

I lost my shit today cause I was playing with the earings and taking the "leaf" off them because it was too heavy and Wendy picks up the tiny leaf thing and runs into her bedroom with them and "hides" it somewhere. It's small. May2 can totally swallow it. Wendy forgets where she hides it cause she has a 3 year old memory. So I end up counting to 6 and timeing her out in the other room while i search for it/ cause her searching is unhelpful. She just makes more mess. She's crying in the other room and then she yells I need to pee I can feel it coming out (was only a few drops) but I immediately let her out - she goes to pee - I'm trying to tidy up so I can see the forrest for the trees. and eventually she comes back and finds the leaf thing.

Even May2 stopped and looked at me a little scared when the saga of the leaf thing happened.

Wendy really wants earings. I don't need another thing to look after. It is going to hurt a fair bit and then I'm going to have another thing on my plate besides nursing, midwifery, all the cooking, the swimming lessons... the house... like.

How does anyone even live with a mortgage on top of the cost of living crisis, I honestly have no idea.

Like. If I'm under stress and I'm actually having an extreemly privledged life - we own the house. We have decent savings, I've cut back my work hours considerably, I have a very understanding casual boss for the 2nd job so I can maintain my accreditation as a midwife and I have a very understanding ICU boss because she also has a 2nd job in another hospital and knows that it's no big deal having 2- so I'm in a fortunate spot in a sense. I even have a cleaner that comes every 2nd week - (whose hard work is like undone in literally 5 mins but like I keep telling myself if you don't even try due to that reason : then you might as well lay down and die).

So if I had to like go work full time on top of that. You can forget it.

So due to my privelege i've been buying decorations for May2's birthday cake from temu land. Not sure if I'll use it. I should have gotten a personalised name thing for it so I can reuse it for every other birthday cake for the rest of the time that I'm making birthday cakes for her. or I can start that next year. It's too late now. I look at them online and they don't seem inspiring for me so maybe I just shouldn't get it. If I don't like it, then I don't like it.

After week one of being dumb faced as I left. But returning to a teary baby the moment she sees my face (after not realising I wasn't there all day).

Day 3:
was tears on seeing me leave: we were early and there were only a few kids there.
Apparently she got better when the rest started to arrive (yes her big sis was there the whole time)

Day 4: I took them in late because we were waiting at home for a supermarket delivery.
Weather has been wild lately and honestly, I can't be fucked. Like seriously, it's so much hasstle to drive to the supermarket, get into the shop, find all the shit I want to get. Then scan all the shit. Then cart it out to the car and then load it up. Then drive home. And then unload it, and then put it away.

Like... if a grocery shop is likely to be over $250, I can get ALLLL that work for free.

The only negative is if I make a mistake, I need to go to the store to return the problem item. And yes, I made one mistake. So that's annoying. I was also worried I would get products that were going out of date soon. Or like, fruits that were bruised. But honestly. I'm just so glad someone was going to do this work for me I was willing to ride some crappyness.

Anyways. but the downside was I wasn't sure when it was arriving so I chose to feed the girls at home, and wait for the delivery and leave right after it came.

(Just putting the cold things away).

Anyhow so we got there, once again like leading May2 to the slaughter because she doesn't know where we are going - and the moment I stepped in and handed her to a worker, she started crying. When she saw me leave and etc.

She was okay during the day but then in the afternoon, as I had brought them in early I decided to go pick them up late, and when she saw the other mum's arriving and they weren't me, she would start to cry with each one.

So when I arrived I came to a very clingy teary baby again. But she was alright. 'Cause it was late and the weather has been super bad (crazy winds, trees down, public transport strikes effecting into the mix. rainy etc) and it was getting late, so I didn't feed her before we left, and out we went. I figured we'd be home in 20 mins and I could feed her then. Halfway home she was head butting my chest the poor thing- who only had a few sips of her bottle all day.


So she's figured out how this childcare thing works. You get abandoned by your mother with carers and other children and new toys to distract you. And eventually, you don't know when, your mummy will come back and get you.

I can see the non appeal of putting an under 3 in childcare. Even Wendy doesn't really know when she will get picked up. It's loosely about the same time so when I get there she's never hanging around the door looking for me. But she still doesn't get time.

Her idea of time is "yesterday" (which means, before today. Because everything is yesterday in her mind even if it was a month ago) or today. I'm not even sure if she has a concept of "tomorrow", except that she constantly says "Mummy when I grow up can I (work, have a phone, and todays one --- drive a car and you can sit in the boot Mummy! (lol) I said how disrespectful are you to put me in the boot, that's where the groceries and the pram goes, not your Mummy. Then she thinks and says "you can sit next to me, and Daddy and May may can sit in the backseat and I can play frozen in the car."

lol oh Wendy. So I guess that's her concept of "tomorrow".

The only good thing about the wind is that it's been nice and cool. I actually can't wait to go snuggle in my bed but here i am, giving that up for even more alone time with my computer.

1st day at childcare today for May may.

Before we even got there, the day was already insane.

6AM wake up from Wendy "Mummy I'm wet" Somehow, the night nappy just couldn't hold what it was supposed to hold. The night before, I was gung ho and decided to try adding an extra chore to my life by night training wendy : which meant, get up in the middle of the night and sit her on a potty next to the bed, and then put her back to sleep.

The first. night, I think she'd spent most of the day with my mum and, my mum isn't good at keeping kids hydrated so I think she was dehydrated so we got good success. She did one pee in the middle of the night and the nappy seemed dry in the AM. so I was a tight ass and thought oh. Can reuse then, perhaps. lolz.

Then the second night (which was this night)-- it clearly did not work and perhaps that so called dry nappy .... had 1 pee in it from the previous night... but also when I tried to put her on the pot at 1am she said "no mummy dont need to go" and i felt her butt and the nappy seemed like there was a wee in there so I thought oh. Maybe she just peed. Too bad, and I let it go.

6am feels really early when someone (Elizabeth)decided to wake you up every 1.5 hours for a boob cuddle. So I was super tired. I got them up. Changed the bed. Bag was already packed for school but i didn't want to feed them breakfast because I wanted them to eat at school.

It was raining pretty much.

somehow it took forever, despite starting at 6am and having already packed a bag and May2 already dressed in clothing I had deemed suitable for childcare the night before -- She pooped in her nappy.

Oh wait you know what the hold up was, so I had the kids bag sorted (clothing all labeled, may mays bottles all labeled, the formula saschets all ready to go, etc in a tidy packet but I hadn't sorted out MY OWN BAG for my own childfree morning. So I spent ages dicking around with my own bag.

Note to self. Now I need to pack Wendys. Elizbeths. and Mine.

The bag I tried at first, was too skinny to fit all the stuff in it although it was huge. So I had to find a big fat bag, which I promptly did and then fill it. I wanted stuff to go to the gym, as well as an umbrella cause its been raining etc. So by the time I got that sorted, and we were leaving the house it was 7:50 and of course the long bus thats closer to the house was coming in 8 min which for me, is sufficient time to choose it over the short bus thats further away from the house.

We got to childcare at 8:10 rather than the 7:45 I was hoping for.

So Wendy got breakfast at least but May may didn't have time. I mentioned it to the educator. She's lovely but she's swapped rooms from Wendys older kids to the babies, so she's still learning the ropes. She had trouble opening their milk cupboard to show me where to put the formula.

I didn't have expressed milk because its day one : I don't save extra and anyways, from the past I've learnt she doesn't like frozen defrosted milk anyway. So its like, whats the point of that effort if she's not going to drink it. But today as we were separated i pumped milk to maintain supply and scalded it hoping that would break those enzymes they say make the milk not taste that good - and put it in the fridge to take to school tomorrow. Hopefully they will remember to use it for her. Also hopefully I remember to transport it in because that would be another step for my already overloaded brain. Maybe I should write that down.

I left her playing with some toys. I kissed her good bye, waved, etc. I swear she saw me walking out the door.

Apparently no tears, got a phone call update from the educator saying all was well (I initially was like oh shit, do I need to go back to the childcare?? why are they calling?) but no it was just fine so I didn't.

I did get the tears and "SO GLAD TO SEE YOU OMG WHERE DID YOU GO" face when I came to pick her up around 3:30 pm.

she didn't have a second nap and was so close to falling asleep in the car on the way home but the 2 min drive wasn't long enough. So it was in the cot for the terrible time of 4-5 pm which is too late and impacts bedtime.

I think for the future I need to write, 930am nap 1 and likely 2pm for nap 2 because otherwise 7pm bedtime is hard to achieve.

Things to note. Apparently she's not an easy read baby, the educators just said she was so happy all the time and just smiled and ate so much food, they couldn't tell she was tired. Lolz. And since I walked in the door at 330pm, they were about to put her to sleep but since I was there then there was no point of that.

See how tomorrow goes.

Today was so haphazard, it felt like I was scrambling to stuff as much as I could into the day that I didn't really get anything good done. Which isn't true, I did. But the house still needs so much work, like the freezer is full of stuff. The fridge needs a rejig.

Today at dinner, there was a cute moment begween kid 1 and 2. Elizabeth stuck.her finher finger in Wendy's mouth and Wendy pretended to eat them.

Elizabeth chuckled.

And wendy said "may mays laughing!!!" In delight.


Sure beats all the time Elizabeth toiched wendys shoulder, leg or hair and wendy would start crying because she didnt like it

The first time at the park someone said "watch out for the baby" (to their own kid) - the baby being Wendy.

And Wendy says: "I'm not a baby!"

WendyThey say kids reduce their food intake at 2 but I seriously have not seen that with Wendy if she likes the food
it was spaghetti bolognaise.
literally her favourite.

She almost had 3 huge bowls but on the 3rd she realised she couldn't eat anymore and said "I'm done"
I let her serve herself the pasta and the sauce and the cheese and she took so much it was hilarious. I had to stop her and say finish what u took first her voice was so funny too when I let her take more and she said something like yes please! her yes please was like... if u imagined a 60 year old man and your asking him if he wants another lap dance from a porn star.

Reminds me of her chuckle pre breastfeeds as a newborn when she was hungry. He heh hehe heh...

We're just on the precipice of having conversations now. Or so I think. I always think so but then whatever it is drags on until it's here and then I realise oh. she can do that now, Whatever it is. Walk. climb, choose things etc.

Izzy

Meanwhile i can't use a phone in the bedroom putting Izzy to sleep anymore, she keeps looking at the screen.

I've realised all kids are potatoes until they're 2. Sure they can walk, or like giggle or smile or whatever but until they can argue with you or ask you "why mama" which -- in hindsight has just started last week --

They're little better than a potato.


Firsts:
Wendy can now climb that rope ladder at the park with minimal assistance (since last week, first time she did it was June 8th at the railway museum)
and...
I feel like there was another but I've forgotten it

My phone
My brain space has been overly overloaded with choosing a case for my new phone. 3rd one in 12 months, FML these things are fucking expensive. Choosing a phone took me all of 8 seconds.

I've spent 3 days researching and choosing a case for it. I kid you not. Seems more important than the phone itself.

Like brand loyalty and etc. -- honestly that takes out 90% of the which phone do i get decision. You get the latest one in whatever brand you think is the best for your budget.

8 second decision.

Now, which case is worth the price for the value for the longevity of the case itself to match the phone - I have this theory.

Superstition if you would call it. That if I choose the wrong case, and go to buy another, the phone literally carks it in some way right at the time when I'm about to buy the new case.

This has happened a few times to me. But whilst the case was fine and I was looking to change for whatever reason eg. case looks a bit bunged up or you know, fashion (and yes the phone remained within the old case each time) BAM the phone has issues. screen cracked to all hell or something else.

I had a mini existential crisis thinking about those "phone as a bag" type of rope thingies that seem super functional but also super... I dunno. My phone is my bag is the same statement as saying "my phone is my everything".

Which, these days, it can be.


I decided to get one to try it out. They look very useful, and you don't know until you try and the shipping is free if I get it... and 20% off sale... sunken cost fallacy..

I want to write a post about sunken cost fallacy. It's such a trap. But like, is it?

FML its past midnight. The kid who stopped sleeping at approx. 95 days of life is asleep and here I sit; writing this.

Virtues

They say keeping a journal is virtuous. Sorta like clean undies I guess.


Spew your vomit onto the screen and keep your house tidy.

Sort of like that cupboard or box where you put all the crap that doesn't really quite fit anywhere but you don't want to throw out because perhaps you'll need it one day and eventually, you realise, it's all just literal worthless junk now and you wonder why you kept it in the first place.

Then when one box fills, you get another. Now at the moment in my house, where my brain is a literal frazel I have 4 junk boxes that I can remember having -- filled to the brim. There's the one under the corner cabinet in the ktchen labeled junk box, and it's the original. Then there's the one that was my diabetes box but is now full of crap instead since I don't have to monitor and test like I used to. Then theres the one behind my computer desk that's supposed to hold things I don't really want Wendy to get to like, you know, rolls of washi tape.

Then there's there's the one in the kitchen above the plates. That one has like, random stuff I can't remember.


My journal is like, my unlimited junk box of my mind.

It's where i go to, to sort out my junk boxes.

How is that virtuous.

I guess if you sort through them and curate them are they still junk boxes? Are you more virtuous if you have no junk boxes.

The cat
The cat went missing the other night and I wasted 50 mins searching for her, muttering the whole time that I need to get an apple air tag for her -- so petes phone can find her if need be. Then when I was thinking about it I realise apple air tags have button batteries in them.

Extremely dangerous for children.

Is there another option? I'll be on the lookout.

There's that and I need to buy her more treats because, the day she went missing I realised no one fed her. Poor thing probably thought we don't anymore.

Its better a fat lovely cat than no cat at all. She really does have a nice personality. For all her jumping on the kitchen table and anoying me for treats and etc. She's never once swiped a paw at the kids though I do warn Wendy if she's that much of a shit to her, she will bite one day and that wouldn't be the cat's fault.

She bites one person. Pete. Nips him for food or if they're playing. It's sweet. She doesn't bite me, ever. Not once.

The art of packing lunch
Asians are weird.
Or is it just some people are weird.

I'm probably racist. My mum loves to pack some dumb asian soup for me to take to work (this is when she packed my lunch). Don't get me wrong, I love soup. I'll eat anything. But not when your taking it somewhere.

Just no.

It's not worth it.

Spills, in your bag, through the bag, onto your clothes ... like. Just no. Maybe the thick type of soup like pumpkin or blended whatever it is that is so thick its basically a vegetable and meat smoothie.

You gotta think about where your going and buy and pack specifically and accordingly. Soup for home, Sandwich for outside. Something you can eat with one hand.

Fading memories

I've forgotten what a 12 week old is like.

Elizabeth laughs at me if I pull funny faces or make funny sounds. It's adorable.

In my memory Wendy never did any of those but I do remember that at the 100 days party I had at my mums, one of my aunts who remembers me from when I was a baby (she's the only one that saw me that young actually) said I was a smiley baby.

I don't remember Wendy being smiley or not. She probably was.

But I do remember my aunt Lucia saying that about me.

So far Izzy is an absolute delight of a baby.

Wendy is actually pretty delightful for a toddler. Which means she is just shy of evil incarnate.
I hide my pencilcase up on top of the fridge.

One day I'm going to forget and so help me God there will be one day when I come home to find something more awful than rub-able pencil all over the wall.

Pencil is fixable. Pen or perminant marker is.

No bench top is safe right now. This morning I found 2 snoopy toys I displayed on a bench on the floor underneath the bench and a kiddy stool next to them.

Ha.

Wendy
Brown coloured crayon- Wendy calls it chocolate.

She's terrible with colours but very good with associations like anything thats yellow she calls it: "banana".

Favourite snack: Dried apple

2 is a very trying age. They're awfully cute and very responsive.

But they don't really understand consequences yet and they push every button possible.

For the most part, however, - it must be personality. Wendy doesn't tantrum in public. Accepts no when I tell her outside, she's pretty good about following most instructions, and even if she makes demands they're not large

For example, we went to nextsuburb library for story time --- I was informed at the other nextsuburb lib last week that the librarians Sister (whom I now know is named Sophie) was running it this week. FYI, Sophie is fab and I think everyone knows it because there was a large crowd of kids and parents.

I unfortunately didn't know the name of Sophie's sister - and didn't have time to ask as Wendy just bloody shot out towards the door once it was over.

anyhow. There are these donut shaped pillows and she took two (everyone else had one) and she put an arm through each pillow and said they were her butterfly wings -- then she flapped them about a bit.

I couldn't for the life of me get her to return one of the pillows.
There seemed to be enough pillows in total so I let her go through the entire storytime with the pillows. Although a few times I asked her to put one down and she refused.

But right when I thought we might have issues at the end of storytime, she took both of the pillows off her arms and left them on the floor, no issues.

Though there was some chasing thereafter and a part where she took a CD off the shelf and threw it (for no reason) and at which point I decided we were leaving.

We went to the mall nearby (local small one) and she saw the little machine car where they entice kids to play and parents to pay pocket change to make it move (you'll never catch me putting a single cent into one of those things, ever btw.) and we told her later - and she was ok with that.

I gave her a yoghurt pouch to eat (convenience, otherwise for the most part I hate those things) and she was good with it until it was just about finished, she wouldn't give it back to me for rubbish, instead choosing to peg it to the floor, causing some of the contents to spill out (how embarassing) I just told her I wasn't happy she did that, that she made a mess and that I wasn't going to give her another on another day since it was messy (well also I don't like those things) and I took out a wipe and cleaned the floor in the store.

Izzy
I forgot to bring her white noise machine and sleeping bag today so the poor thing couldn't sleep. At the library she cried and at the shops she did too. Cried, trying to sleep. A few times she managed to pop off to sleepytime but anytime we put her down, her arms must have flailed or whatever it was and she just struggled.

Once we got home and I got her sorted with her bag and white noise and a good boob session she slept for hours and hours and hours. Right until when my mum wanted to go and I wanted to wash and try and handprint her

Omg getting a handprint off a 10 week old is a nightmare. I wanted to do it when she was a newborn but didn't have the kit cause I forgot to buy it. Got one at around 4 weeks of age and was disappointed it didn't arrive for 3 weeks (and I was warned of this on the website too - I just didn't see it during purchase). Then finally decided to just do it. Do you know how hard it is to unfurl their little hands?!

I at least got 2 decent foot prints and 2 decent hand prints of Wendys.
I stuffed up 2 sheets. Bit of a waste. Better to do it when they're older. I'll probably have to purchase more kits. It's just so hard lolz. Harder than it looks. They make it look so easy on the video.

Probably should have tried it while she was sleeping or something. But that would be at the expense of waking her up.
Or like. At the end of a long feed, on the boob, still attached.

Anyhow. It is what it is.

Law and Order Season 10
Holy shit what a finale 10x22 was!!
All season it's been a lot of Benson working with one of the other cops- Stabler working with other cops- then in 10x22 they're back on a case together (for whatever reason).

It's a mad man on the run who supposedly started killing people due to his delusions.

Law and Order seem to take the very unlikely thing that happens and bring it up at least once or twice a season.
So this crazy man, he's killed a guy, and the lab tech everyone hates - screwed up the evidence somehow. Then he becomes a killer -- but no one knows it yet. -- and he kills in the same way this mad man did -- and he's doing it initially, to try and save the case (because of the screwed up evidence the mad man was gonna go free). It all comes to a head when everyone's mad at Stucky (lab guy) and Stucky goes and kills the good lab tech, and the lays in wait for Stabler to come look at some evidence - the evidence linked Stucky to the murders rather than madman (due to blood inside a mosquito inside a car that was filled with gas planted by the murderer, being Stuckys blood rather than mad man's blood and theres no other way it could be anyone else's blood if it wasn't the car owner (now dead owner's)blood. Anyhow so Stabler arrives - and gets taken down by Stucky who then ties him up (instead of killing him, not sure why).

Benson calls Stabler and Stucky picks up saying that Stabler left his phone on his desk - he's gone out for Sushi with labguy. Benson smells a rat - and goes to the lab only to almost be taken out by Stucky but she convinces him (easily, because shes always been nice to him and I think she thought he might have a mini crush on her)- that actually she hates Stabler cause he's always telling her what to do and that she's ok with Stucky killing him and then she will like help him frame it so that it was all self defence or something and instead Stucky will be the hero and can be her new partner at SVU (lolz what a long shot - how is that going to fly!?)

and then -- she bloody kisses Stucky in front of Stabler (Cause, and her words - she wanted him to watch) and then that gave stabler the in to kick him in the balls and then they've got him. Finally. The real killer.

Poor lab guy he doesn't even get a mention in the season 11 opener. But he's clearly dead RIP. I liked him. I wonder if he wanted to leave.

What an epic ending to S10.



The next season

Season 11 already starts off with an insane bang - whereby a man whose been in prison for 10 years at the hands of Stabler, is found out to be actually innocent. And the real rapist is found, and he confesses. - and Stabler feels so bad, goes to the innocent guy and tells him I promise you will come out of jail asap cause I know now u didn't do it and I have the evidence. Then enroute to jail, the real rapist guy, then either suicides or is murdered by the police - he dies due to being pushed or jumped out a window. The cop isn't saying anything ? (I don't know why he doesn't just say he's innocent, the rapist is clearly seen saying plz take me to the bathroom prior to the transfer - and the window he jumped out of was the bathroom one.) but he was very rough throughout the show with witnesses and etc. So they're all looking at him like he pushed the guy. And stabler was like, good - so he's a rapist and now he's dead. But the prosecutor was like --
so now your evidence that he really did it, his confession, is out. You can't use that confession to get the innocent guy out.

Stabler's face when he realises he can't fix the problem, and he begs the prosecutor -- come on there has to be something I can do, and she says well. No there isn't.

So now this poor man not only had a police man lie to him that he's totally gonna get out of jail, and everyone in SVU knows he's not the guy, has to stay in jail for another 15 years.

The prosecutor said the governor might be asked for a pardon.

Liv asks maybe he can get early parole? But for some reason that's apparently not an option either.

It must be hard when probably 50% of people in jail say they didn't do it. Like. Trying to tell which one is lying is hard if most of them are lying...

Anyways. I hope they fix this innocent guy's life eventually. I'd feel so bad if I was Stabler - that really sucks. Then the episode just ends. The real rapist's brains splattered on the sidewalk reallly graphically. They put quite a lot of screen time on that one.

Wendy
Can ride a scooter
Eats heaps
You can have a simple conversation with her
Appears to understand basic concepts in cartoons like bluey and applies it to real life.
Saw a stick shaped slightly like a bird similar to the episode of bluey we watched today and pointed to it just like in the episode and said stickbird!

Izzy
Smiles randomly. Sometimes at me.
Easily startles with loud voices, coughing.
Has a very cute "I'm scared baby facial expression with wide blue eyes.
Still has dark blue eyes (Wendys was grey then brown)
Still poops yellow (which is great). I swear i never saw wendy squeeze out a poo0 as a baby so i could never think how EC may occur but. Few times now I've seen Izzy squeezed out a poop. Very cute.

Still a potato. Lots of growing to do.

Tantrums at the breast if gassy and I offered a feed. Gets real angry and upset like I've violated her. Then if i sit her up and wait a giant homer burp without posit follows.

I don't bother with burp cloths cause posits rarely happen.


Written on my phone because I had more to say but I'm in bed already.

To write something about the day, here, daily.

Or to write anything, not necessarily about the current day.

Can i start a streak?
( We went to the park )